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myths about enlightenment
March 2009 
trading notes with timothy conway: "spiritual vertigo"
Posted on Apr 18th, 2006
by 
rhobherto
rhobherto
subject: spiritual vertigo
timothy conway is the author of, Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time.
to sew this up . . .
i can fairly say i harbor no delusions about my life being significantly comparable to the lives of vivekananda or paul brunton. far, far from it!
that said, my own "non-dual breakthrough" was preceeded by a profound crisis, and an abject sense of having exploited every possible experience, every other manner of being in the world available to me, and finding it all only distressing and void. vivekananda and brunton, one gathers, were not wholely at this sort of deadend. in the instances described, they had not exhausted the utility and desirability of their manners and habits of being in the world -- hence their "resistance" and "clinging." for me, every last iota of clinging and resistance had been stripped and wrung out in an arduous process of utter letting go.
the mystery of passing through a fairly strong and relatively persistent "non-dual breakthrough" only to devolve, shall we say, back into the thick of samsara's soup -- this is becoming increasingly less mysterious to me. and the notion that my adventure thus far boils down to a despicable, meritless freakshow continues to fall away, as well. there are too many related and similar stories, equivalent and comparable personal testimonies, for me to persist in supposing i am quite the abject fool or freak i've long tended to suppose i am. so, too, the logic of my solitary cloister and keeping quiet about all of this crumbles away.
dear mr. conway,
i read with great interest your review, at amazon.com, of the book, "sacred mirror: non-dual wisdom and psychotherapy."
i found myself especially keen to better understand this statement:
2) Many persons can fall into a veritable "spiritual vertigo" when their initial nondual breakthroughs occur (recall the cases of Narendranath with Sri Ramakrishna and Paul Brunton with Ramana Maharshi, to give only two examples) . . .
i have since done a fair amount of internet seaching, hoping to uncover a more thorough examination of "spiritual vertigo" in the lives of vivekananda [narendranath] and brunton, and with no appreciable results.
obviously, the task lies in combing through the writings of both these men.
simply, if it comes to you readily, could you help me to narrow the scope of this inquiry? is vivekananda's single volume biography telling of this episode in his life? and where, or where, to begin in brunton's work?
just a tip, just a pointer is all i ask. i'd very much appreciate any clue you might share with me.
thank you, timothy!
sincerely,
robert l.
re: spirtual vertigoGreetings, dear Robert
The "spiritual vertigo" is was referring to relates to the incident when Ramakrishna, soon after he had met Narendranath Datta (later Swami Vivekananda), began to put him into a deep state of samadhi (formless consciousness) by touching him on the chest (what we call "Shaktipat"--bestowal of Divine Grace). The account is described in any of the good books about Vivekananda or Ramakrishna.
Paul Brunton, in his book about meeting various Indian figures (Paul Brunton, A Search in Secret India, London: Rider & Co., 1934, various reprints since then; or the separately published volume, The Maharshi and His Message, reproducing the three relevant chapters on Ramana from the former book), describes what happened when Ramana Maharshi began to put Brunton into a samadhi state just by looking at him with his famously penetrating gaze of silence.
In both cases, Narendranath and Brunton felt that their entire world, body, and sense of self were dropping away, and both men resisted the process and were able to maintain their sense of ego-identification with a personal, bodymind sense of self. Later, Narendranath/Vivekananda would surrender to the process on another occasion and his spirituality took off (in fact, Ramakrishna began to limit Vivekananda's time in samadhi, for the sake of making sure he maintained an active life [Ramakrishna foresaw that Vivekananda would be his primary messenger to the West]).
Hope this helps!
If you're interested, Robert, in nondual teachings, you might wish to peruse a few handouts i make available to students, and an interview done a few years ago for Sun magazine. (Note that the editors, more interested in social issues, cut out much of the nondual teachings, but a fair amount remains). Also, some material on Jnanesvar, one of my most favorite advaitins--such a warm, loving personality... (It's part of a book chapter on him for a big, 2-volume work, India's Sages: Nondual Wisdom from the Heart of Freedom.) . . . [can't link to this material here ~ r]
All the best to you
In the Light of Your Divine Truth
Timothy
re: spiritual vetigo
re: spiritual vetigo
dear timothy,
i dearly, dearly appreciate your reply.
my curiousity stems from what, apparently, was a "non-dual breakthrough" in my own case about 12 years ago. toying with the vernacular, i dare say my life is proof that one can "wake up within this lifetime," and then, quite thoroughly, retreat deep back into the "dream" of samsara. post-awakening (if that is a fair description), my journey proceeded, amidst all the rest, through several stays in locked-ward, psychiatric facilities and another (added to previous attempts) nearly-fatal act of suicide. how to square the two? clearly, there are any number of myths regarding "enlightenment," and chief among those that i have confronted directly: enlightenment is not psychotherapy.
my default map for this journey i am on derives from my lay understanding of the tibetan dzogchen tradition, and its 3 steps: direct introduction (or direct transmission); coming to a definitive conclusion; and gaining confidence. step 1, apparently complete -- on to steps 2 and 3.
have recently become engaged with saniel bonder and his "waking down in mutuality" work. to this point (i am 47), my journey has, essentially, proceeded in solitary isolation -- un-gurued and without the advantage of direct community with other "realizers" -- my own "high-water marks" unauthenticated and unverified -- just me, all my books, and the "natural great perfection." it is priceless to, at last, be sharing this adventure with true and open-eyed friends.
again, my deepest thanks!
namaste,
robert
re: spiritual vertigo
re: spiritual vertigo
Pranams, dear Robert
I am impressed with your humility and honesty and sincerity and earnestness. These qualities alone will eventually bring all excellent fruits. It's just a matter of time, and time is nothing in the Timeless Truth of who you Really Are. "In the meantime," all the ups and downs, processions and regressions, etc., the various states of mind and body, are just that: changing, passing states of mind and body. Your real nature is not this passing bodymind, but pure, clear Openness/Emptiness/Fullness. You are always the Witness of whatever happens, the open, free "spaceless Space" in which it all happens. Enjoy the show, O Transcendent One! (while fully feeling your play as the kaleidoscoping energies of body, emotions, mind, psychic streaming)...
Be well, Truth-in-the-form of Robert
--Timothy
timothy conway is the author of, Women of Power and Grace: Nine Astonishing, Inspiring Luminaries of Our Time.
to sew this up . . .
i can fairly say i harbor no delusions about my life being significantly comparable to the lives of vivekananda or paul brunton. far, far from it!
that said, my own "non-dual breakthrough" was preceeded by a profound crisis, and an abject sense of having exploited every possible experience, every other manner of being in the world available to me, and finding it all only distressing and void. vivekananda and brunton, one gathers, were not wholely at this sort of deadend. in the instances described, they had not exhausted the utility and desirability of their manners and habits of being in the world -- hence their "resistance" and "clinging." for me, every last iota of clinging and resistance had been stripped and wrung out in an arduous process of utter letting go.
the mystery of passing through a fairly strong and relatively persistent "non-dual breakthrough" only to devolve, shall we say, back into the thick of samsara's soup -- this is becoming increasingly less mysterious to me. and the notion that my adventure thus far boils down to a despicable, meritless freakshow continues to fall away, as well. there are too many related and similar stories, equivalent and comparable personal testimonies, for me to persist in supposing i am quite the abject fool or freak i've long tended to suppose i am. so, too, the logic of my solitary cloister and keeping quiet about all of this crumbles away.
Access: Public
Thank you!
namaste, rhobherto.
you are dancing with maya, that's all.
you have the great good fortune of having tasted Truth.
the remembrance of this Taste is available to you,
in this very moment.
thank you for your humanity,
and your willingness to let it all hang out, sharing your struggles.
you aren't a fool or a freak, and you're not alone.
your sincerity in your sadhana comes through, loud and clear.
i would echo what our friend conway said,
your qualities of sincerity, honesty, humility + earnestness alone
will eventually bring all excellent fruits. It's just a matter of time…
In the meantime, all the ups and downs, processions and regressions,
etc., the various states of mind and body, are just that:
changing, passing states.”
you know all this.
it's just a matter of remembering that you are the witness,
and not identifying with the fluctuations. this is one of the ways
we begin to develop equanimity and poise on the journey.
but for most of us, it's like a musculature that needs to be developed.
and for most of us, it is dearly won.
dearly won, indeed! thank you!
was “toying” with just this idea, dancing with maya, the other day – in terms of “lila.”
“god forgets god so that god may seek god.” ~ muktananda
like, boy, am i working my way toward one awesome reunion!
“meditate! without conflict, continue your yogic practice.
this world is no bed of flowers;
it is covered with thorns and stones.
it is foolish for one to abandon spiritual practice
if one does not meet with immediate success.
failure can be a great instrument in the process of evolution”
~muktananda